Seeing Ourselves Anew
What defines us? What does our family say about us? The stories they tell? What we say about ourselves?
Looking at photos from different ages . . . how does what we heard or believed match or not match reality?
I’ve been too big AND too little. (Sometimes at the same time.)
I realize it says less about my size and more about the person making the evaluation.
It certainly made it difficult in the past to have an accurate understanding of what "too" meant!
I’ve been the loud or chatty or fast talker. I have also been the secretive, silent, sullen or distant one.
Those proclamations said more about my comfort level with the people I was around than about my core personality.
I was called beautiful. I was odd looking. Maybe I looked beautiful to people who liked different.
I still haven’t figured that our completely.
Mostly I think my eyes were striking.
People felt obliged to comment. They tried to say "nice" things.
I spent most of middle school and high school hiding a large chest that I hated if I heard negative comments,
and hated more if I heard "positive" comments.
I quit dancing which I had done my whole life because it was uncomfortable and I felt self conscious in costumes.
As a little girl, I was sick. Weak. Thin. Often wearing my illness on the outside as dark circles under my eyes.
This actually is noticeable in my second grade school picture.
Being weak made me hate physical activity and I never really got over hating school sports or gym as a result.
I got teased or yelled at in middle school for my lack of desire to fully participate and
haven’t been a very athletic adult as a result of the malingering memories.
I dressed weird.
Mom encouraged more conformity.
But didn’t force it.
Looking at pictures, I see both truth and falsehood.