“Something’s started crazy –
Sweet and unknown
Something you keep
In a box on the street –
Now it’s longing for a home
And who can say what dreams are?”
–Sater, Spring Awakening
I dedicated myself anew to dreaming this year. It began tentatively last year when I signed up for the first Mondo Beyondo ecourse. The process then was new and frenzied for me. So here we go again.
More dreaming is always good.
I have trouble knowing what I want. So, its an exercise for me to not only identify small desires, but also the GREAT BIG oh-my-gosh-this-isn’t-possible dreams.
The first lesson asked me who inspires me to dream. I know I am far from my childhood these days, but living in my hometown has made me more aware than ever of the beliefs I acquired then. And what I learned from people around me was that your resources go toward surviving—not frivolity. Anything that requires risk isn’t worth it. I see lots of cautiousness. And I am a very cautious person myself. I doubt anyone would see me that way, because I have always been the local gypsy. But even in my free-spiritedness there has been a lack of willingness to sacrifice security on any level. I am not sure that is required of me, but I say that to illustrate how few examples I have in my personal life of people following their dreams.
While I don’t have models for dreaming, what I do have is support for my own dreaming. My parents have supported me. My spouse is beyond encouraging. It’s me that remains a little stuck.
I have a bit of a fear of success and have had a tendency to self sabotage. Not in physically harmful ways, but by undermining my own abilities and not taking opportunities.
So I think a dreamer to admire is something I will need to find. Not only would I like to discover a personal dreaming mentor, but it might be a good idea to note qualities in those I don’t really know.