Today I played with sparklers.


Anyway, I need to compose here
before I get completely lazy.
Actually, whenever I am online,
which isn’t much lately,
I get distracted before I get a chance to journal.
Distraction is BIG,
second only to her friend Procrastination.

There is, as usual, too much going on.
But at this point I have acquired some focus and
have set myself to certain tasks hoping it will help me regain my
emotional health. I just finally realized I was teetering on the
verge of depression for a long time and made the decision to
swing UP instead of down.

Part of this has involved some intentional numbing on my part.
Caring too much about what I need to be doing with my life
has caused me to ignore important things altogether.
And caring too much about other people has just been one wound after another.
One of my favorite bits of paradoxical wisdom has always been
“You can end love more easily than you can moderate it.”
(Thank you, Seneca. Roman philosopher. Stoic. Advisor to Nero.)
And true as that is, as I grow I am relaizing that the glitch in that
phrase is “easily.” Easy isn’t always best so I am
rising to a challenge and not taking the easy road these days.
I am attempting to moderate nearly everything, including my most extreme
frustrations and affections for my closest loved ones.
It feels very Zen. But it is totally unnatural for me.

So, I feel a little tepid,
but ultra productive.
I have new seas of stress to navigate now,
but I adapt quickly.

I’ve been catching up on photo posting on flickr.
Still behind, but doing better!!

me. . .people i love (mostly). . .me *with* people i love 🙂


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