my life brings me some really beautiful moments.
many of them i ask for.
some of them i create.
all of them are gifts.
and i admit i am spoiled.
maybe i get more than others;
maybe i just am better at recognizing them.
i feel right now like i need grace.
love from the world that doesn’t
require a personal invitation.
and it feels like it might be
a long time coming.
for months now i have felt trapped
and have been expecting life to change,
as it usually does,
all by itself and without any sort of labor
for its new birthing.
but it is going to be a process.
and i am not patient right now.
i’ve started pushing and
it isn’t helping.
rather, it is making me more aware of myself.
and not in a good way.
i’ve become self conscious and self critical
and that doesn’t seem to be productive.
so please, grace.
that i can be less disgusted by who i am.
that i can see from a different perspective.
” The many contradictions in our lives – such as being home while feeling homeless, being busy while feeling bored, being popular while feeling lonely, being believers while feeling many doubts – can frustrate, irritate, and even discourage us. They make us feel that we are never fully present. Every door that opens for us makes us see how many more doors are closed.
But there is another response. These same contradictions can bring us into touch with a deeper longing, for the fulfillment of a desire that lives beneath all desires and that only God can satisfy. Contradictions, thus understood, create the friction that can help us move toward God.”