But I don’t feel like being all out-loud and in-public about it.
—-Today I got an incredibly life-validating mess of words from one of my dearest friends. I got a serious thank you for what was unremarkable to the world, but very meaningful to us. I had some of my most decent human qualities reflected back at me, and read, among countless important statements “I apologize for doubting you . . . ” and “I love you, Heidi.”
This came to me at a moment when I was wondering if we ever truly affect one another in this world and if there was any love in this world for me. I don’t mean that to sound dramatic– it’s just been a long, lonely week of ailing.
Anyway there is an odd, dare I say, pride, in reading those words. Not an arrogant sort, but the kind that teachers might feel when students return years later, or how parents or older siblings feel when children become peers. I also don’t mean to place my friend in a student or child role; It was just the only metaphor I could think of to express how genuinely happy I am for the kind of self-discovery that seemed to precede him writing such things. There was a peacefulness in his energy that made my heart swell. And as I was reaching a point of giving up, I was inspired to hope again.