i know it’s just dumb luck . . .

Standard

but things need to stop working out this way.

It really isn’t anyone’s fault at all.
I just happen to have bad days at all the wrong times to ask for help or time or guidance or love.

I’m pretty sure a couple of quotes are more insightful than my angst, which I now recommend skipping over.

“The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbor as ourselves: we do unto others as we do unto ourselves. We hate others when we hate ourselves. We are tolerant toward others when we tolerate ourselves. We forgive others when we forgive ourselves. We are prone to sacrifice others when we are ready to sacrifice ourselves.”  — Eric Hoffer

“Often we don’t recognize how to give ourselves sweet, deep self-friendship because we are so busy building a strategy to get what we think we need in friendships with others.  Looking outside yourself for friendships is a lovely and splendid art in itself, but it is subject to other people’s time, availability , and circumstances, which may or may not match what you really need.” — SARK


I so wish I had posted while I was still having a good week.
I had a number of VERY satisfying situations at work this week.

And feel genuinely sorry for not being well.
And people, well, they only want to be around you when you are well.
And I can understand that.
But the trying to be “ok” and “up” at times is, I think, just causing a little more mania than I like in my life . . .
And someday I will deal with the fact that I don’t have people around me right not who want to/are able to support me through this shit
and I will get smart and pay someone to listen.
Everyone inadvertently models what they need, but to actually have expectations based on that is foolish and somehow manipulative.
And ultimately leaves you in relationships that are less than mutual.

So yea, that damn ad council anti-stigma ad about mental illness that sungo posted recently is suddenly a little too familiar.
I mean, this is a wave of depression.  It WILL pass.  But in the meantime,
let’s let family and friends go about their business and
just.stop.trying.so.damn.hard.

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2 thoughts on “i know it’s just dumb luck . . .

  1. I hear you and understand. give yourself a break. i think we have a tendency to be sooo much harder on ourselves than others would be – like a defense mechanism. *hugsfromtheinsomniac*

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