V is for Victory


Notice that did NOT read
“V is for Viccccctory”

New keyboard !!!
Even with a good cleaning, the other was driving us
to new levels of insanity daily.
I’m not even upset that I don’t have an excuse for
alll of my typos anyone.

I definitely have some sort of bizarre anticipatory anxiety.
But I am so used to it, it doesn’t manifest as anxiety anymore–
it goes straight to intense anger and disgust.
Every Saturday night I dread going to church the next day.
DREAD. Not because I don’t want to, and once I am there
I am fine.
I’m not “nervous” about seeing people or “anxious” that it
is keeping me from doing something else I have to do–
I just get pissed.
Like now. It’s almost rebellious and then, if I am sick (like I am now)
all of my symptoms are amplified and I can’t tell if it’s because
I genuinely feel like crap and am just now relaxed enough to realize it
or if it’s some sort of pyscho-somatic attempt to excuse myself
from what I am dreading and therefore relieve the “anxiety.”
Weird, eh?

But now I have gone and made (yes, I did just use the phrase “gone and . . . “)
cookies to take to the Thanksgiving meal tomorrow,
so if I didn’t go I would end up eating dozens of cookies throughout the next week.
And that would trigger an entirely different brand of psychological disturbance.

Warning: Randomness
Speaking of disturbance, writing that sentence I suddenly noticed the very oxymoronic
juxtaposition of “psycho” and “logical” in that word.

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